How it felt, when only the right half of the brain is working

When I lost my left hemisphere (LH) & it's language centers, I also lost the clock that would break my moments into consecutive brief instances. Instead of having my moments prematurely stunted, they became open-ended,& I felt no rush to do anything. Like walking along the each, or just hanging out in the beauty of nature, I shifted from the doing-consciousness of my left brain to the being consciousness of my right brain. I morphed from feeling small & Isolated to feeling enormous and expansive. I stopped thinking in language & shifted to taking new pictures of what was going on in the present moment. I was not capable of deliberating about the past or future-related ideas because those cells were incapacitated. All I could perceive was right here, right now and it was beautiful.

My entire self concept shifted as I no longer perceived myself as a single, a solid, an entity with boundaries that separated me from the entities around me. I understood that at the most elementary level, I am a fluid. Of course I am a fluid! Everything around us, abut us, among us, and in between us is made up of atoms and molecules vibrating in space. Although the  ego center of our language center prefers defining our SELF as individual and solid, most of us are aware that we are made up of trillions of cells, gallons of water , And ultimately everything about us exists in a constant and dynamic state of activity. My LH had been trained to perceive myself as a solid, separate from others. Now, released from that restrictive circuitry, my RH relished in its attachment to the eternal flow. I was no longer isolated& alone. My soul was as big as the universe and frolicked with glee in a boundless sea.

For many of us, thinking about ourselves as fluid or with souls as big as the universe, connected to the energy flow of all that is, slips us out just beyond our comfort zone. But without the judgement of my left brain saying I am a solid, my perception of myself returned to this nature state of fluidity. Clearly we are each trillions upon trillions of particles in soft vibration. we exist a fluid-filled sacs in a fluid world where everything exists in motion. different entities are composed of different densities of molecules but ultimately every pixel is made up of electrons, protons and neutrons performing a delicate dance. Every pixel, including every iota of you and me, and every pixel of space seemingly in between, is atomic matter and energy. My eyes could no longer perceive things as things that were separate from one another. Instead, the energy of everything blended together. My visual processing was no longer normal. (I compared this pixilated perspective to Impressionist pointillism paintings.)

I was consciously alert & my perception was tat I was in the flow. Everything in my visual world blended together, & with every pixel radiating energy we all flowed enmasse, together as ONE. It was impossible for me to distinguish the physical boundaries between objects because everything radiated with similar energy.

In this state of mind, I could not perceive 3 dimensionally. Nothing stood out as being closer or farther away. If there was a person standing in a doorway, I could not distinguish their presence until they moved. It took activity for me to know that I should pay attention to any particular patch of molecules. In addition, color did not register to my brain as color. I simply couldn't distinguish it.

In this shifted perception, it was impossible for me to perceive either physical or emotional loss because I was not capable of experiencing separation or individuality. Despite my neurological trauma, an unforgettable sense of peace pervaded my entire being and I felt calm.

Although I rejoice in my perception of connection to all that is, I shuddered at the awareness that I was no longer a normal human being.How on earth would U exist as a member of the human race with this heightened perception that we are each a part of it all, and that the life force energy within each of us contains the power of the universe? How could I fit in with our society when I walk the earth with no fear? I was, by anyone's standard , no longer normal. In my own unique way, I had become severely mentally ill. And I must say, there was both freedom and challenge for me in recognizing that our perception of the external world, & our relationship to it, is a product of our own neurological circuitry. For all those years of my life, I Really had been a figment of my own imagination!

I know I was different now- but never once did my right mind indicate that I was "less than" what I had been before. I was simply a being of light radiating life into the world. Regardless of whether or not I had a body or brain that could connect me to the world of others, I saw myself as a cellular masterpiece. In the absence of my LH's negative judgement, I perceived myself as a perfect, whole and beautiful just the way I was.